30 Uses for Aburame Shino's Insects
by Blazing Kusanagi
Summary: My name is Shino... For those of you who need help with insect manipulation, this is the book for you
1. The Aburame's Guide

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto (these….are so unnecessary….)

The Aburame's Guide to Insect Utilization, by Shino Aburame

I, Aburame Shino…….wrote this book to train other Aburames…and for others to truly understand us... I hope you enjoy it

1. Use them to make sure, no one, I repeat **NO ONE** removes your sunglasses

2. If someone ever does see your eyes, have your bugs enter the person's eyes and start eating his or her eyes out so they will never see anything again

3. If the bugs are disgusted…well at least blind the person for looking into your dark, shadowy eyes of chaos

4. If the blind person blabs about your eyes to anyone, send your bugs into the person's precious voicebox and have the bugs pull them out of his or her body before your adversary can finish

5. If they manage to finish, send your bugs into the soon-to-be-a-carcass's body and have them suck the victim's blood or enter the internal organs and destroy them from the inside (WARNING: your bugs may become digested by the corpse)

6. Use them to surround and lift your remote if you are too lazy to pick it up

7. If you fight against a guy who shoots sonic waves out of small surgically implanted holes in his arms, use your bugs to clog the holes (WARNING: some bugs might die not because of the sonic waves, but because of being cramped together)

8. Form them into an army of darkness to rule the world (Muhahaha, no readers, I'm just talking to myself)

9. If a clan that uses bees attacks your village, be the vanguard and kill the bees…spilling blood and honey everywhere in the process

10. If three survivors of that clan attack, use your bugs to form a vortex that works as a barrier, if the bees have explosion tags, well…sucks to be you

11. Have them surround your arms in a swarm to trick your opponent into thinking that you can manipulate dark flames and claim that you are Itachi

12. If a fire-breathing prodigy attacks you with Chidori (Lightning Edge), surround your bugs in the shape of electricity and counter Chidori with Mushi Chidori (Insect-Lightning Edge)

13. Have them form a pool when someone wants to swim (insect pool: technique from Naruto Video Game)

14. If a puppeteer with purple face paint poisons you and you haven't learned to use #25 yet, create inect replications to let them suffer and feel intense pain while you recover

15. Use your bugs to form a strong rope to hide under and adhere to a thick branch while the puppeteer kills the replications

16. If the puppeteer attacks with a puppet, shove your bugs into the joints of the puppet so it can't move except the puppet's head

17. If the head attacks you with a poison knife, have your bugs eat the puppeteer's chakra strings. After the strings are digested, start attacking the puppeteer until his chakra is sucked dry

18. If it is a field day, and an idiot with a nine-tailed fox sealed inside of him has a bad stomachache and wants to go to the restroom, if it is time for the next activity, surround him with your insects and drag him like a leash that you are not holding to force him to be part of the race

19. When you are on a mission with three academy students and there is a cliff, make a bridge so you can cross large gaps (WARNING: this may result in the death or the explosion and crushing of internal organs of the insects)

20. If you tell an idiot with a nine-tailed fox inside of him to not fall while climbing down a cliff, and in his anger he accidentally lets go of the wall saying that he already knows and falls, the bugs can become a rope to grab the idiot

21. Digest poisons if they enter your body (WARNING: this does not work on laughing poisons as you will only humiliate yourself by laughing like hell and your bugs will start laughing too)

22. Use them to knock over buckets to divert attention if you are at a funeral in which you can't laugh

23. Have your bugs transform into a younger form of some of the guests at the funeral and make them laugh since they haven't laughed in approximately twenty years

24. If a man who leeches chakra (who fought the fire-breathing prodigy and lost) attacks you, make a mind-controlling girl who lacks any attack power be a diversion, and when he attacks her suffocate him by surrounding him with your insects so he drowns

25. Have them form a gigantic meteor and crash into the earth, destroying half of Konoha

26. Use them to freak out Byakugan-users when they are looking inside your body

27. Use them to annoy Sharingan users since they can't copy your techniques

28. If teammate who looks like a dog makes fun of you and calls you Bug Freak, make him suffer approximately 21 hours, 35 minutes, and 9 seconds later

29. Make them jump on keys to type this fanfic (I, Shino, am using them)

30. Did I mention to make sure no one removes your sunglasses?


	2. The Effects on Readers

My novel had the following effects…to readers…

Kiba: Swore to never call me Bug Freak again

Hinata: She got a crush on me… (Naruto doesn't seem to notice)

Kurenai: My teacher began to be afraid of me even more

Sasuke: Attacked me with Chidori (but I countered it with Mushi Chidori)

Naruto: Swore to never crush a bug again(in fear of me)

Sakura: Began to borrow my insects for their healing properties

Kakashi: Quit reading Icha Icha series and began reading this book

Ino: Began practicing some attack-type jutsu

Shikamaru: He was too lazy to read this book

Choji: He swore to never eat a bug again

Asuma: Quit smoking

Neji: Never looked at me again

Lee: He replaced his data book with this book

Tenten: She's trying to learn how to summon bugs instead of weapons

Gai: Shaved his brows

Gaara: Began laughing

Kankuro: Began to use bug spray on his puppets (not that it will work since my bugs will be protected by their chakra)

Temari: Reads this book to Gaara as a bedtime story and swore to never use her wind to blow off my glasses

Jiraiya: He thinks my book needed more oomph (pathetic senile fool)

Tsunade: She reads this while doing paperwork

Shizune: Instead of ridiculing Tsunade she reads this book

Konohamaru: Relies on this book more than Naruto

Orochimaru: Became sad that he couldn't learn every single jutsu even with Sharingan

Kabuto: Made this book one of his greatest treasures and asked me to join him in the next Konoha invasion

Itachi: Reads it when not in Akatsuki meetings

4th Hokage: Somehow, he reads this book in the afterlife

Shibi (my father): Became somewhat louder than normal


End file.
